I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I AM VODKA MAN
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
