He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
