I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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