Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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