We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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