I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
It's just like the Real World with babies
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
