My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
