I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize