Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
