i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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