I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
sarcasm needs its own font
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
