I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Randomize
