Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I fill condoms, not promises.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
