your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
