you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
