I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
