After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
