Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
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