do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
we should paint friendship bongs
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
