We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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