I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
how drunk are you?
Several
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
