Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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