I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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