Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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