Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize