pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
