she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
