Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
