When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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