Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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