No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
