Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize