just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
