Just mADE A PArabola og urine
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
