You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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