There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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