I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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