How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I wish i was in the wii world.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
So vagazzling was a success
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
