and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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