You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
