you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize