Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
