Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
