just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
