pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
