In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i would punch a child for taco bell
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize