Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
