people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
