Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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