so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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