I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Shitshow foam night was such a success
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
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