And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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