She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
