You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
