i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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