i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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