So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
