How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i wish my penis had a tongue
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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