I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
