So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
