arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
