are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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