im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
