I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
