i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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