this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
