It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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