Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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