you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Randomize
