i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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