The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
50% drunk capacity currently
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
