Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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