Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize