I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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