We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
