he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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