i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
