i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
