When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I deserve this hangover.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
