moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
In America we eat man semen.
i dont even know how to be here
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
