Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
