I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
