Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
we're so committed to being not committed
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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