you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
