Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
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