Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
