We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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