ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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