We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
