All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
