If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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