yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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