just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
