Well apparently he's into motor boating.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
